Castlewood Eating Disorder Treatment Center Blog

Category Archives: Testimonials

One Choice. One Life.

Written by Sarah Kate Hutchison, Castlewood Alumnus Do I want to live a life worth living, or do I want to live a life with my eating disorder — one that won’t last very long? This was a question I faced a little over a year ago… a question that I didn’t know the answer to at the time. I had struggled with my eating disorder for many years and had gone to treatment various times, and yet I kept relapsing with little hope and a diminishing desire to get better. I doubted that recovery was possible for me even…

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Lipstick Lesbian:  A Coming Out Story, Written by C.W., Castlewood Alumna

I grew up with a fiscally conservative father and a die-hard liberal mother. I wasn’t too afraid of coming out, more so just embarrassed. My family didn’t do feelings. Maybe if I instead hollered “HEY, I’M A LESBIAN” from upstairs as my parents got home from dinner that night, it would have felt less awkward. Once it was out there, it was out there. My father would parade down the hall into my room at least twice a week from then on, looking for a heart to heart, craving the reassurance he needs to feel like his baby girl wasn’t going to…

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The “Golden Boy”

Written by Castlewood Alumnus Paul Beuttenmuller One year ago, I completed the total transformation of my life after having finally confronted the nightmare that controlled it for the previous six years. I pressed the pause button on everything, including my job at which I had just received a promotion, and focused on my mental health for the first time in my life. I was struggling with an eating disorder and reached the point where it controlled my daily life. In reality, it controlled my total being and sanity. While it took me a while to admit that, I had come…

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Tuesdays With Tammy: Balancing Nourishment and Pleasure

At Castlewood, we believe that balancing nourishment and pleasure respects both health and taste. Respecting your health embraces fueling the body with a variety of food that provides carbohydrate energy, protein building blocks, and foundation fats. Respecting your taste embraces enjoyment of food as equally valuable and important. Perfection is not necessary or required to respect your health and nourish your body because our bodies have an amazing capability of balancing. Example: If we do not put enough water from the outside in, our body will balance by holding more fluids from the inside out.  Another example: If we eat…

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Experiencing Life, Love and Recovery

Written by L. M. Castlewood Alumnus  Falling in love makes you vulnerable, it is probably the most vulnerable thing you will ever do in your life to love someone and to allow them to love you in return, the real you, the good and bad and everything that falls in between. Eating disorders are incredibly isolating, I know mine was, I did not think anyone could understand the pain I felt or the sadness I had and I did not think anyone but my eating disorder could help me. That is a convenient story we tell ourselves to keep us…

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If Not Now… When? by Paul Beuttenmuller Castlewood Alumnus

“Somewhere in the archives of crudest instinct is recorded the truth that it is better to be endangered and free than captive and comfortable” – Tom Robbins For the longest time, I thought I was comfortable with where I was in life. I gave off the impression that I was happy and satisfied. But after some time, I came to realize that I was really just settling because I did not believe (and I was too afraid) that life could get any better. I was too set in my beliefs and my comfort zone to really open up and admit…

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Surrendering to the Slow Process of Recovery

Guest Post by Alumnus, M.W. I have been thinking of what to write here for a while and hoped at some point something poignant and spot on would sort of appear on the paper. I’m laughing at this now because it completely mirrors the way I have approached recovery for so long; hoping that one day everything snaps into place, the path becomes clear and I mindfully walk off into the sunset, never to look back. I make jokes often with my team about wanting to expedite this recovery process and they compassionately remind me that it doesn’t work that way.…

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Learning to Be Okay With “Not Knowing”

By Annie Wittenberg, Castlewood Alumnus Subtext: I Don’t Always Have to Have an Answer… (And that is such a relief!) “I don’t know!!!” I said vehemently. “What is it you don’t know?” Laura Wood asked, after the second expressive session of alumni weekend. “I don’t know what I don’t know!” I exclaimed frustrated with myself. I was hoping Laura was about to give me homework that would clarify my confusion. Laura smiled and told me my “homework” for the night was to listen to the Beatles’ song Let it Be. I was like seriously Laura?! That’s my homework? (I may…

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